For this and that

I am writing a Tribute to Mom in association with Parentous.com

For all the pain I gave you, struggling my way into this world

For all those dirty nappies and sleepless nights

For all those times you kissed my wounds better

For all those good night kisses

For all those times you filled this grumbling tummy

For all those times you let me experiment with your make-up

For all those special Mommy-Daughter days-out

For the wonderful reading habit you gave me

For the times you trusted me

And for the times you forgave me when I broke it

For all those times you wiped my tears

And restored my faith in brighter tomorrows

For teaching me the importance of love and compassion

Of tolerance and forgiveness

For helping me pick the right from wrong

For always wishing the best for me

And for the blanket of your love that kept me warm

I am eternally grateful

And even though I’m in no capacity to ever repay you

This is a little something for you to know you’re special

And how much I love you

My Mommy, my world

Back to Back

You know that feeling sometimes when your feet start tingling or go numb? It's not very pleasant, is it? Imagine if you had to live with it 24/7. Add to it unbearable pain and discomfort. The very thought makes you flinch. 

It was about two years ago when my back first started aching. My doctor, a general physician (who happens to be a close friend of my father's) waived it off as a symptom of UTI (Urinary Tract Infection) prescribed some medication and I was okay. 

A couple of months later, my lower back started hurting again and we saw an orthopaedic this time, who also happens to be my father's friend. He didn't think it was much to worry about and gave me some painkillers and tadah, I was okay again. We assumed I had a tendency to twist my back again and again. I was only 17, who would want to think of the worst?

After that, I frequently experienced backaches but I ignored them. Since I strongly criticize abuse of painkillers, I would just wait till the pain would subside. It could take a day, or a few more or even a week at times. I also refused to see another doctor because there's something about doctors and hospitals that unnerve me. From past experiences in my family, I knew that doctors almost always bring bad news. 

So I stayed stubborn for a whole year. Until one day, when I walked a lot and my lower back started aching. That was normal, so I didn't pay much heed. And then slowly, the pain radiated and I felt my left leg going numb. Now that was new. And scary. Once I found a place to sit and eventually lie down, I felt fine. This happened a couple of times in the same month. Now I was a little worried.

I only agreed to see another doctor when my leg started hurting so much that it was impossible for me to walk at all.

This new doctor was also a friend of the family (Damn, does my father know too many doctors, or what?) but a thorough professional. He made me take a MRI scan. That experience in itself was scary, but more on that later. My reports were terrible. Three of the lower discs in my back are dehydrated and displaced. Infact, it was so bad that the technician who did the scan called my doctor to confirm if I was only 19.

Apparently, the only reason I am mobile right now is because I am so young and if I don’t do something about it, I might need surgery or worse, get bedridden. This was too much to grasp for me. It felt like my whole world was literally collapsing. Of all the things in the world, what was my first concern? “What if I can’t have babies?!” I stayed depressed for a whole week until I saw it was affecting all the people around me who care so much. Now I brood and cry only in the privacy of my bedroom.

Life post diagnosis isn’t easy. There are days when I am in pain even if I'm walking or sitting or lying down, whatever and it just won't go. My mother doesn’t let me do chores that I would previously try to weasel out of. I am not allowed to carry grocery bags or anything that weighs practically anything. I am not supposed to bend to pick up things. I have to give up on the two loves of my life- high heels and dancing in the front of that mirror. Yes, I am a bathroom dancer. We’re just like bathroom singers except we dance instead of singing. The point being, it is not easy at all especially when I have most of my life left to live.
There's so much left to do. I want to dance and take crazy rides in amusement parks and travel around the world and wear high heels and have babies. Right now, I'm not sure I can do any of these. Everything seems so dark but I'm sure there will be light. I bet everything gets better. Unless I'm destined for tragedy, ofcourse.

Sometimes I wonder what if I hadn’t taken it so casually for a whole year. What if I had seen a better doctor sooner? Maybe my back wouldn’t have deteriorated so much. Maybe I would be in a better state right now. Maybe, just maybe… Knowing we have a family history of slip-discs, it was foolish to ignore my health. I have learnt my lesson and well. Ignoring warning signs about bad health? Worst decision EVER!

Here's a link to My Healthy Speak Blog

Much mess

There are two ways in which people deal with their problems. One, they face their problems and do something about them; two, they whine about them. I happen to belong to the cadre of people that believes in the latter ideology. I derive unexplainable pleasure from complaining, protesting and moaning about…Let’s say just about everything.

 And for good reason. For starters, I feel like an old woman owing to the premature whitening of my hair when I’m only 18. And they’re so noticeable because they’re so prominently placed, right over my forehead. I’m all for ageing gracefully and all but hello, too soon!

Now, I know that teenage comes with lots of its problems, even when it’s about to end, the most gruesome being- pimples. Every girl’s nightmare. Imagine this- you wake up one morning, and as you brush your teeth, something in the mirror catches your eye. A big fat pimple that sits so comfortably right on your…lip. That’s right. Who in the world gets a pimple on their freaking lip? Let me tell you who- I do. What’s worse than a pimple on the lip? The distorted, badly applied appearance of the lipstick I might use, thanks to the pimple. I was huffing and puffing around like an angry dragon until it finally went away.

I have major self-esteem issues. And they’re the weird kind. The kind where I like myself but I assume others don’t and they have no reason to think otherwise. And what do I do to improve them? Nothing, nada. Instead, I tell everyone I have them and enjoy being the object of all their fussing and adoration. I kind of like that. The world revolving around me, I mean. But let’s face it, what woman doesn’t?

This hasn’t been clinically detected or anything but I think I may have ADHD (Attention Deficit Hyperactive Disorder) and OCD (Obsessive Compulsive Disorder). With respect to the ADHD, I can get my best friends to give testimonies about how I would be talking about their broken hearts one moment and wondering why cows don’t fly, the other. Or atleast something on those lines. As far as the OCD goes, ever since I was a little girl, like really little, I would count my steps. And count the number of stairs I climb. I would also ALWAYS begin walking with my left foot and would want to end it on my right. Now I count in 4’s. Because I like 4. It’s a brilliant, perfect squared number. I also like 8 and 16, but mostly 4. Somehow, these things make me believe that there’s peace in the world. That if I don’t start walking with my left and end with my right and if I don’t count everything in 4’s, there wouldn’t be stability and symmetry. Like everything would become meaningless and futile. Don’t even get me started on floors with checked tiles; it’s my symmetry OCD ailed brain’s worst nightmare.

What was the point of this entire post, you say? Nothing, I just enjoy whining like I mentioned previously.

Traalalala, that’s all for today.

Signing out x

Mischief managed

Last Thursday was a very significant day in my life and millions others, all over the world. It day marked the 15th anniversary of the infamous battle of Hogwarts that led to the defeat of... Lord Voldemort. There, I said it!
Some of you might smile to yourselves smugly, in mockery of how much emphasis I lay on an event of fictional history. To you, I would shrug with indifference because I'm not dysfunctional, it's your deprivation and naivety to blame why you don't understand.
To those who are clueless as to what I'm referring to, it's Harry Potter. I won't call it a saga or a series of books/ movies because it's more, much more. It's an inspiration. It's sacred. It's life altering. It's the silver lining to so many dark clouds. Dramatic as it sounds, every bit of it is true and I can summon a LOT of people to testify to that.
May the second, of every year is celebrated as International Harry Potter Day. It's a day as huge as any holiday and day sadder than any funeral. Earlier in the morning, I logged into my facebook account when on my newsfeed, a post from a HP Fanpage appeared that commemorated all the martyrs of the greatest wizarding wars of all times. No sooner than I had read it, I shed a few tears in memory of all those characters that played a role in shaping the person I am today. And I know that so many Potterheads (Yes, that's what we call ourselves.) joined me in my mourning. It might sound senile but it's beyond any muggle's comprehension. On this occasion, I knew I had to create a post as a tribute to this fandom that accepted me into it without any prejudice or bias. I owe it to J.K. Rowling for the way she has touched my life.
J.K. Rowling, who's brainchild Harry Potter is, has created the world's shortest lovestory in the word 'always'. She taught her readers how it's okay to be unique. She sowed the seeds for rebellion against injustice. She personified the words, 'till the very end.' She narrated an enthralling tale of bravery, ambition, wisdom and loyalty with all its essence intact. She restored our faith into the power of love. She created a world of fantasy so real that it is real now, to so many of us. She recreated the magic that seemed to be missing from all of our lives.

P.S. Nothing is funnier than nose related humour. ;)