Goodbye

The thought has been haunting me for ages now
And I finally found the courage to go through with it
I'm sitting on the hard, cold floor
My body is stiff, my eyes glazed with tears
My breath is caught in my throat
My violent heartbeat echoes in the hollow room
Hate, pain, confusion, bitterness and sadness
They run through me, all at once
I scream inside my head and make them go away
I take a deep breath, my mind is made up
I hold the cold metal to my head
And gather all my strength to pull the trigger
A smile spreads across my face as I do
I hit the floor, agonized for a moment
And I finally lay in peace, as I whisper to myself, "Goodbye".

First Kiss

It was a cold January evening. The sun had set, We quietly walked along the dark road, that overlooked the lake. The wind swept through my hair, brushed my face and gave me goosebumps on my arms. He moved in closer and wrapped his hand around mine. Our shoulders bumped into each other as we walked. I looked at our feet, so in sync and then I looked at him and caught him looking at me. We smiled awkwardly. Suddenly, he stopped in his tracks and turned to stand in front of me. The moon, that was previously hidden behind clouds, illuminated his face. He held both my hands in his' as he looked into my eyes. My cheeks turned a bright crimson and a whole pack of butterflies attacked my tummy. I lowered my gaze into nothingness, unable to meet his eye. He held my chin between his fingers and lifted my face up. Combating my shyness, I looked back into his eyes and clasped onto his hands, tighter. He smiled and suddenly, he leaned in and pressing his lips against mine, he kissed me. After a couple of seconds, he pulled back and he was rather amused at the stunned, eye-popping-out expression on my face. It took me a few moments to register what had happened and when it did, I grinned at him and he grinned back. Then we resumed walking, hand in hand, quietly into the darkness of the night. It was the most perfect first kiss ever

Abused

She's broken, she's beaten
She's hurt, she's sore
She lies on the floor, motionless and scarred
Her grief is stuck in her throat
Her hair, all out of place, sweeps the ground
She is curled into herself like a ball of fur
Her clothes are torn, painted with his animal
Her bosom rises and falls gently and painfully as she breathes
Her cheeks are stained with her dried up tears
Droplets of blood drip down from the corner of her mouth
Her heartbeat pounds against her wounds
Pain throbs through all of her
She bleeds profusely through her heart
Not a sound escapes her lips
The fairy-tale that she had dreamed of
Turned out to be her worst nightmare.

Dear Dream Boy

Steal me from the world, keep me with you
When I tell you I love you, say you love me too
When things go wrong, make them go right
Within your arms, hold me tight
Make me blush, make me smile
Never let go, not even for a while
Make me fall in love with you, over and over
Dance with me, when the music gets slower
Shut me up, let me scream
Tickle me and send me into a laughing realm
Entrance me in your love, make me talk without a sound
Look deep into my eyes, when noone's around
Sweep me off my feet, kiss my tears away
Whenever I'm lost, show me the way
I hear them say, "forever isn't forever"
Tell me they're wrong, part with me never
Though unbelievable, but if you're for real dream boy
Don't play with my heart, it isn't a toy.

Three words.

Three words, that change your life forever. Three words that send your world crashing around you. Three words that your tears just can't justify. Three words that make no sense even after you repeat them to yourself, a million times.Three words that send you on a guilt-trip. Three words that make all your woes seem insignificant. Three words that cause you pain way beyond any physical injury. Three words that catch you off guard, make you vulnerable. Three words you never want to hear a dear one say..."I have cancer."

Loved...Lost...Found?

She sat on the bed, their bed, her face buried into her knees. The echoes of her long-silent sobs, hung in the air. A gush of cold wind made its way through the one open window and kissed her tear stained face, bringing with it the memories of that fine spring day, not too long ago.

He had gone down on one knee, as he sang 'I love you till the end' by The Pogues, in an awfully pitchy voice. She had cried tears of joy as he made her live her idea of a perfect proposal that she had told him, the first time they had met in the college cafeteria.

She had leaned forward and kissed him with all the love she had for him as she accepted.

And then her thoughts reverted to that dreaded day. The sight of him hanging at the edge of the cliff, as they waited for help to arrive, still made her flinch.

It made her sad that she didn't insist upon calling off the trek even though she didn't have a good feeling about it. She was angry with herself for not having been more careful. She regretted that she didn't tell him she loved him, often enough. She hated how the last memory of him alive that she had was him covered in blood, as he fought to hang on.

She had lost him that day. He had left her alone in this cruel world, to face all of it by herself, without his hand to hold, without his words to comfort her, without his arms to protect her, without his love to make her heart beat.

Her life had no meaning anymore. Her insides were numb. She was barely alive.

She was about to break into fresh bouts of tears, when miraculously enough, her phone burst into music, as those bitter-sweet words surrounded her, "I just wanna be there when the morning light explodes, on your face it radiates, I cant escape, I love you till the end."

She squeezed her eyes shut and breathed him in the air. He was still watching over her...

...

You've tied my feet and clipped my wings
I'm trapped in this cruel cage
"You're safer in here dear llittle birdie-
"With us to protect you from the dangerous outside world"
The blanket of your love that kept me warm now suffocates me
I would break these bars if I could help it
My eyes gleam with anger and resentment
I no longer want to be a slave of your will
Have a heart, set me free
Let me stretch my limbs and embrace a new morning
Let me explore the world for myself
Your little birdie is ready to take flight...

P.S. This post has created a little confusion with someone I shared this poem with. I am not really talking about a bird here. I'm talking about me. 

Ayye ayye!

Welcome aboard. I am Anshitaa, 17 years old (as of now) and this is yet another (hopefully successful) attempt at starting AND maintaining a blog.

I have already spent over an hour, staring at this page, clueless as to what I should write next. I actually checked out so many blogs right now to see what other people's first posts look like. And I'm still as clueless as ever /Anshi fails

I love Harry Potter. Like lovelove. I like to believe I'm very funny :P I'm a tad bit lazy. My mind runs just a bit too much, I think up of things others couldn't even dream of. Sometimes I care too much at other instances, I couldn't care less. Oh and I enjoy writing but I am not very sincere (thus explaining why this is my 4th blog :P )

I appeared for my 12th CBSE exams in the month of March and am now (not so eagerly) waiting for my results so I can apply to colleges and stuff. I am thoroughly fed up with the monotony of my life.

And I do realize I'm only just uselessly ranting now, so I'll sign up.

Thanks for the read!

Until later x